Friendship

Friendship is something we value like a precious jewel. If there is any danger of losing it, we become worried and would do anything possible to save it. It happened to me many times before and I gladly succeeded. But the latest one almost slipped away if not for my persistence of winning it back.

The incident happened a couple of years ago involving a woman-friend. She was a 70-year old grandmother with a small business of her own. Many years ago her husband left her and she singlehandedly raised her children to give them a life of their own, although they were still quite dependent on her until now. She lived a pious life, offering her services to the church: raising funds for various projects, assisting parishioners during communion and other activities and sometimes joining the maintenance team for cleaning the church. And through her guidance, her two grandsons from her daughter became sacristans.

One early morning, she approached me along with her daughter, whom I haven’t met before but was known to me through her stories. In contrast to her daughter’s expressionless face, hers was a picture of concern and worry.

Then she started to narrate their ordeal. “I approached everyone I knew but they turned me down. I knew no one else but you to help me.” I felt flattered with her remarks but at the same time it put a weight on my shoulder.

This means I must do something significant to save her from her predicament. This woman-friend had helped me many times before and now I feel compelled to reciprocate. And my failure to do so might disappoint her and lose our friendship. So, with heart beating in anticipation, I listened further.

She said, her daughter must go back to Dubai in time, if not, her employer will terminate her. She couldn’t afford losing her job, and losing it might also mean losing her one year old baby whom she left behind. Her daughter needed P6, 000 more to add to their savings to buy an airline ticket. She explained to me the reason why she would buy another ticket but all fell to my deaf ears because at that very moment I was already thinking how to come up with the amount she needed.

I collected my savings and handed it to her with heavy heart but happy to have helped a dear friend. The solution to her problem was literally in her hands and it caused her to get teary eyed again.

In my Skype conversation with my wife, who was working in Saudi, I narrated the incident. Understanding the plight of my friend, she instructed me to tell her not to pay it anymore.

I strolled happily to their house for this reason. Upon hearing the good news, her tears immediately watered her wrinkled cheeks. She became speechless and cried unabashedly.

 She was deeply thankful because at that time she was financially drained and helpless for her daughter’s predicament.

In my mind I was happy to have helped a friend and confident that it would be friendship all the way but I was wrong. The days became a hide and seek situation. There were times when she saw me coming; she would choose another route or leave immediately just to elude me. But in times when I caught her by surprise, she would talk to me briefly and would hurriedly leave for some reasons.

I knew there was something wrong and I did not give up finding out what it was. Since she was selling flowers every morning by the churchyard to fund a religious project, I made it a point to stay beside her and patiently engaged her into long and friendly conversations to put her at ease. Little by little I won her back. I discovered that her self esteem was terribly hurt when she came to me for help. She always thought that she was the problem solver, then suddenly the role was reversed and it hurt her self-worth. But that feeling faded through my effort and persistence to win her back and the result: we were back to our old ways.

I learned from this experience that as much as giving or helping out makes one happy, it also hurt ones feelings. And in the process, we should also learn to understand and win them back.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca, a Roman Philosopher and Statesman once said, “One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and be understood.”