Friendship

Friendship is something we value like a precious jewel. If there is any danger of losing it, we become worried and would do anything possible to save it. It happened to me many times before and I gladly succeeded. But the latest one almost slipped away if not for my persistence of winning it back.

The incident happened a couple of years ago involving a woman-friend. She was a 70-year old grandmother with a small business of her own. Many years ago her husband left her and she singlehandedly raised her children to give them a life of their own, although they were still quite dependent on her until now. She lived a pious life, offering her services to the church: raising funds for various projects, assisting parishioners during communion and other activities and sometimes joining the maintenance team for cleaning the church. And through her guidance, her two grandsons from her daughter became sacristans.

One early morning, she approached me along with her daughter, whom I haven’t met before but was known to me through her stories. In contrast to her daughter’s expressionless face, hers was a picture of concern and worry.

Then she started to narrate their ordeal. “I approached everyone I knew but they turned me down. I knew no one else but you to help me.” I felt flattered with her remarks but at the same time it put a weight on my shoulder.

This means I must do something significant to save her from her predicament. This woman-friend had helped me many times before and now I feel compelled to reciprocate. And my failure to do so might disappoint her and lose our friendship. So, with heart beating in anticipation, I listened further.

She said, her daughter must go back to Dubai in time, if not, her employer will terminate her. She couldn’t afford losing her job, and losing it might also mean losing her one year old baby whom she left behind. Her daughter needed P6, 000 more to add to their savings to buy an airline ticket. She explained to me the reason why she would buy another ticket but all fell to my deaf ears because at that very moment I was already thinking how to come up with the amount she needed.

I collected my savings and handed it to her with heavy heart but happy to have helped a dear friend. The solution to her problem was literally in her hands and it caused her to get teary eyed again.

In my Skype conversation with my wife, who was working in Saudi, I narrated the incident. Understanding the plight of my friend, she instructed me to tell her not to pay it anymore.

I strolled happily to their house for this reason. Upon hearing the good news, her tears immediately watered her wrinkled cheeks. She became speechless and cried unabashedly.

 She was deeply thankful because at that time she was financially drained and helpless for her daughter’s predicament.

In my mind I was happy to have helped a friend and confident that it would be friendship all the way but I was wrong. The days became a hide and seek situation. There were times when she saw me coming; she would choose another route or leave immediately just to elude me. But in times when I caught her by surprise, she would talk to me briefly and would hurriedly leave for some reasons.

I knew there was something wrong and I did not give up finding out what it was. Since she was selling flowers every morning by the churchyard to fund a religious project, I made it a point to stay beside her and patiently engaged her into long and friendly conversations to put her at ease. Little by little I won her back. I discovered that her self esteem was terribly hurt when she came to me for help. She always thought that she was the problem solver, then suddenly the role was reversed and it hurt her self-worth. But that feeling faded through my effort and persistence to win her back and the result: we were back to our old ways.

I learned from this experience that as much as giving or helping out makes one happy, it also hurt ones feelings. And in the process, we should also learn to understand and win them back.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca, a Roman Philosopher and Statesman once said, “One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and be understood.”

Metaphors In An Early Morning Walk

I was lucky enough to get out of the Philippine Heart Center alive after a 5-day confinement due to chest pain. Two stents were implanted in a major artery near my heart. Aside from the maintenance medicine I have to take, the doctor advised me to take a regular brisk walking as part of the regimen.

It was on this early morning walk that made me realized the significance of everyday things in our lives. I often looked at sceneries as a whole, until I started noticing its elements like earth roads, concrete pavement, manhole inlet, trees, an SUV engine, perspirations, a patch of small delicate plants and the church. Somehow, they reminded me of my journey in life.

From our house, I walked on an earth road leading to a concrete pavement of Bonifacio Global City. The earth road, being weak and poorly constructed reminded me of the financial difficulties we endured in my childhood days to meet our necessities for survival. With a meager income of my father as a soldier, my mother did her best to stretch the budget to send all six of us to school. Oftentimes, we walk home from school with empty stomach. To augment the family income, it was mandatory for us to work with them in a vegetable garden at a vacant lot quite a distance during our free time.

 Yet despite its weakness, just like any other soil, it can be used to grow something-- it did help us grow.

 The concrete pavement represented a better life because of all the sufferings strewn on my path I was able to finish a degree and worked myself to have a decent life. Then I met a woman in my work place in Cagayan and married her.

My feet were relieved from walking on an earth road but I was not spared of another discomfort, the cold temperature. And in life, it was not happiness all the way; other problems would pop up. And it happened when we needed a bigger income for our growing children. My salary could no longer meet the demands of bringing them up. I had to give in to my wife’s long overdue request to help the family financially…by working overseas. The vacuum she created in our home was too painful for me and the children. And I had to fill in the voids. Later on I had to give up my job to personally look after them. I could continue working, but I chose not to. Every child needs a parent with them, more than anything else. I should be there to keep them away from bad influence of anything and anyone around them. I had to assist them in their school works and most importantly they needed me around because in my presence they felt secured.

There were also reliefs in cold morning walks. I felt warm whenever I pass by the manholes. The heat generated underground was released through the inlets and it temporarily provided warmth and comfort. Even SUV’s I passed by, with their newly turned off engines were of help, too. They were like the temporary and short term relief from our loneliness and other sorts of challenges. They include the school achievements or even the simple smiles, jokes and conversations within the family. They somehow helped alleviate our blues.

Halfway of my walk, sweat came out of my skin. It finally neutralized the effect of the cold temperature. This sweat was like the experiences that I gained in life. They were the results of the hardships and all sorts of failures that strengthened my character to meet life head on.

The trees I passed by were there to shield me from a possible downpour. And in life there were these relatives and friends ready to help me in times of distress.

When I crossed the center island, I had to take a careful step to avoid stepping on the small, helpless and delicate plants. But not all was spared. The small plants were the people whom I mingled with in my daily lives. They may be my neighbors, my officemates or ordinary people I met. At times I hurt their feelings without intending to.

Then my destination for this morning walk, the church, was finally within sight. Soon I could say a little pray for the Almighty. After a long and winding trek of my life, I could already see the end of my journey and the beginning of a happy life. My wife will soon come and be home with me. Our efforts did not turn into waste as two of my children have now finished their degrees and have a family of their own. And the youngest, although still in Sr. high, is now enjoying a life as any teenager would be.

We may not know it, but in little things around us we may see our past, the present, the future and ourselves.